I know part of it was from me not getting enough sleep and feeling emotionally off-balance, so I wasn’t able to handle the annoying behaviors of some of my students on this Monday morning. And, the problem that’s been growing worse, is my lack of will-power to effectively manage my classroom- both in behavior and in planning.
Depression has been an issue. Some personal things in my life, but, mostly, I’m at the end of my wire. I’m going to be one of those “in less than 5 year teacher burnouts”.
It’s been roughly about 3 and a half years if you include the student teaching. I think switching schools was a good and a bad thing.
The public school, but especially with 90 minute classes of large sizes, with wildly unmotivated and diverse (trying to avoid using words about their intelligence or lack-thereof) learners, is not just a challenge in itself, but there is all the paperwork.
They weren’t kidding about that.
I need to blog a river instead of crying one. Alas, I don’t have enough time. And I will blog. I’m hoping to get different jobs come February (as I will be out of a teaching job if I don’t find one before that!). But I had to share this frustration, and maybe there’s a teacher out there today who thought they couldn’t make it through the day, and they will now because of reading this and feeling connected. Or maybe a teacher years down the road.
Teachers need to keep their personal lives balanced, and it’s a real challenge, to balance all life can bring sometimes, with the fluctuating (but ever-present) real challenges of teaching.
I guess more experience could someday get me on more solid footing, but, alas, I don’t have the tools. More on all this later.
I’m not giving up, I’m getting myself into a better place. It may involve teaching, we’ll see. But I did recently turn down another short-term job.